This is the sixth step in our series of 10 steps to upgrade your brain.
6. Surround yourself with positive people
People have a huge impact on your life. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” says American entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn. With this in mind, you should think about the people you’re spending time with the same way you think about what you eat and how you’re exercising.
Some people can be parasites.
But how do you know if you’re in a friendship that’s affecting your health and killing your spirit?
12 Signs that a friendship is toxic
- She makes you feel negative about yourself: If you feel worse than you did before you met with that person.
- She expects you to drop everything for her, but she won't do the same for you.
- You dread seeing her, and you feel drained after meeting her. Seeing a friend should be a positive experience.
- There’s an imbalance in talk time—all for the friend, none for you. She would tell you how her day was, but when you start telling…she has to go somewhere and leave you without having listened to you or your concerns and joys.
- She tells you that you need to change. She would even make mean remarks about your shortcomings like “You know, you are just too needy.” It is all about what is wrong with you, but she sees no need to recognize her own shortcomings.
- You feel that you have to walk on egg shells around her, being overly careful, watching every word to avoid saying the wrong thing that will upset her.
- She needs you for absolutely everything! A friend that depends on you too much can exhaust you and use up precious time.
- Some toxic friends jump back and forth between great and awful. This emotional rollercoaster takes a toll on you and makes you anxious and depressed when you don’t know wat to expect.
- You can’t share good news. If you are hesitant to tell her about a new boyfriend or promotion etc., you might be covering up your own happiness because your friend is jealous, competitive and negative when you experience success.
- Is your friend trying to get you to do something bad? Maybe pushes you to eat cake when you are on a diet, or inviting you for drinks when you are trying to quit. Real friends will not do that, but toxic friends like to bring you into unhealthy behaviors so that they feel less ashamed.
- She is constantly late, cancels or make excuses for not turning up, or even forget your plans completely. Good friends are dependable and consistent.
- She is constantly negative and tend to complain about everything and everybody.
Remember that we’re born into our family, but we get to voluntarily choose our friends. “If you’re staying in a relationship out of guilt, it’s not a good thing for either party,” says Andrea Syrtash, author of He’s Just Not Your Type(And That’s a Good Thing)“All of us deserve to be in relationships with people who we’re excited to spend time with.”
Most friendships are not meant to last. A lot of friendships serve a purpose, and once that purpose expires, so does the friendship. Shedding friendships that don’t serve your best interests is one of the best things you can do for your self-esteem, motivation, and direction. It’s not selfish – it’s healthy!! Kali Rogers, author of Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis
So what make someone a “good” person to spend time with? And what are the benefits of surrounding yourself with these people?
of surrounding yourself with these people?
Good people aren’t saints, or at least they don’t have to be. They might spend their winter holidays helping starving children in Africa, or they may simply encourage you to hit the gym more. The good people you’re looking for are positive, happy people that enrich your life.
They are people that will inspire you to be a better person, provide you with motivation to achieve your goals, empower you to make the changes you need to succeed and cheer on your success.
In the workplace, good people tend to be productive people. They’re organized, create schedules they stick to and don’t get easily distracted from the end goal. And all this help you be more productive! Happiness is contagious: One of the best ways to find happiness is to find those who know how to nurture and create their own happiness and share it freely. Spend time around these people and you’ll find yourself seeing the world differently.
It’s important to note that “good” does not mean similar. Too much of the same thing can inhibit growth. You want to have diversity and healthy arguments. You should have an eagerness to soak up knowledge, and differing perspectives can help you with that.
This post is for informational purposes only. It should not be considered therapy.This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local doctor/psychologist or psychiatrist or the SADAG Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837. If necessary, please phone the Suicide Crisis Line on 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.