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Am I being abused? A Checklist

 

Dr Elizma van der Smit. July 2017

· Relationships

To add to our blog post yesterday about abuse- here is a checklist for you to see if you are maybe being abused in a relationship.

Please mark if any of the statements is true in your life and relationship – whether you are the one doing it or if you are on the receiving end. Please remember that each and every one of the following statements is a form of abuse and is illegal.

 

Physical abuse

Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking

Throwing something at you like phone, shoe or plate

Pulling of hair

Grabbing clothing

Using gun, knife or other weapon

Pushing or pulling you

Smacking your bottom

Grabbing your face to look at them

Pointing a finger at your face

Making a person purposefully uncomfortable (opening window or removing blanket)

Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or force you to go somewhere

 

Emotional/verbal/psychological abuse

Calling you names or putting you down

Yelling or screaming at you

Intentionally embarrassing you in public

Telling you what to do and wear

Blaming your actions for their abusive behavior

Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships

Stalking you

Threatening to leave you or to threaten to commit suicide to keep you from leaving

Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about

Threatening to expose secrets

Starting rumors about you

Threatening to have your children taken away

Telling you that you are unwanted, stupid, unattractive, incapable

When you are made feeling scared, intimidated or insane

Withholding important information or excluding you in decision making

Disrupting your sleep, denying personal space and constant interrogation

When someone is putting you in danger by driving too fast or acting irresponsible

 

Sexual abuse

Unwanted kissing or touching

Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity

Rape or attempted rape

Refusing to use condoms or restricting birth control

Keeping someone from protecting themselves for sexual transmitted diseases

Sexual contact with someone who is drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give clear consent

Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity

Pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts

Using sexual insults toward someone

Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity

 

Financial abuse

Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy

Placing your salary in their account and denying to access to it

Keeping you from seeing bank records

Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you do

Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys

Getting you fired by harassing you or coworkers on the job

Trying to obtain credit without your permission

Refusing to give you money for food, clothes or medicine

Using savings or children’s money without your knowledge

Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same

Giving you presents and expecting you to somehow return the favor

Using money to hold power over you as they know you are not in the same financial situation

 

Social abuse/digital abuse

Tell you who you can or can’t be friends with in real life or on social media

Sends you negative, insulting or threatening texts, mails, Facebook messages

Uses social media like Facebook and others to check up on you

Puts you down in their status updates

Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands that you do the same

Steals or insists that you give them your passwords

Constantly texts or call you and makes you feel you have to be available all the time

Looks through your phone or social media accounts

Show up at your home or any other place uninvited

Using other resources to track you like spyware, tracking devices, cameras etc.

Isolating you from family and friends and actively preventing you from contact with them.

Overly criticizing and being suspicious of your family and friends

Demanding to know where you are all the time

Criticizing your language, culture or spiritual beliefs and preventing you from practicing it

Damaging anything you use or own, like phones and household items

Ignoring physical or medical needs like nutrition, medicine or heating

If you or someone you love is abusing, get help. Speak to someone you trust - a friend or relative, a spiritual leader or elder, a doctor, or a social worker or psychologist in your area. You can also seek the help of an organization such as Lifeline Tel: (+27 11) 715-2000

(http://lifelinesa.co.za/) or People Opposing Women Abuse (https://www.powa.co.za/POWA/) tel:0116424346 or tel:0116424345

Open a criminal case, apply for protection and report ongoing abuse at your local police station.

This post is for informational purposes only. It should not be considered therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local doctor/psychologist or psychiatrist or the SADAG Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837. If necessary, please phone the Suicide Crisis Line on 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.

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This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local doctor/psychologist or psychiatrist or the SADAG Mental health Line on 011 234 4837. If necessary, please phone the Suicide Crisis Line on 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.